Morris Eidelsberg

If you met me on the street, you’d see a crippled guy in a wheelchair who can’t even pick his own nose, and you would think to yourself, “What a poor Mother Fucker. No one’s gonna such his tongue today!” Well you’re probably right, but let me just round out the picture a little bit. I’m crippled with a heavy dose of Cerebral Palsy, affecting my walking, talking, but not affecting my thinking or sexing prowess.

I was born in 1957, grew up on Long Island, New York. I attended yeshiva (Jewish religious school) until I was 17 and then ran away. I went to the New School for two years, but graduated Columbia School of General Studies. I dropped out of Social Work school. 20 years later, I am 75% sure I received an MFA in Creative Writing. In the late 1980’s, I was published often by the influential, but now defunked Quarterly. I have barely published since.       

After a dismal career as a stock trader, box salesman, and copywriter, I occupy my time now by obsessively checking the stock market every two minutes, sitting in cafes for up to four hours a day, davening at Chabad, taking 45 minute kakis, and dedicating at least 12 minutes per day to writing a poem. I spend every friday pan handling in the Machne Yehuda Shuk for nine needy Holocaust survivors. I love my 10 nieces and nephews, and try to be a good uncle.

Two years ago, I hit the lotto! Hadar and Sivan asked me to father their child, and in January 2015, our beautiful baby girl, Me’odi, was born. I have lived in Jerusalem for 14 very blessed, very fattening years. Before that, I lived for two years in Yonkers, and 23 years in the upper Yid side of Manhattan. I hope to be buried 15 minutes away from my house on Har Hamenuchot (mountain of rest), for free.           

 As on close of trading September 20th 2015, my net worth is 210,093 U.S.D.                                              

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