Monthly Archives: November 2015

ISIS, Hamas, Hitler, and Me

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Why should Isis and Hamas have all the fun blowing up stadiums and shooting up concert-goers? I also want to have some fun. I also want to give back to my oppressors. I want to maim people that ignore me. I want to run over women in my wheelchair that don’t give me the time of day. Then when I get arrested, I can say that I’ve been humiliated and ignored all my life. 58 years, how much can one man take? I had to express my rage. Would that be acceptable? Would that be legitimate?

My point is that any behavior can be legitimized. Now what about Isis? What about Hamas? What about Al Quaeda? What about Hitler? They all have reasons for being angry, even Hitler. Germany was completely humiliated at Versailles. They were sidled with huge debts that completely crippled the economy. Hamas wants their land back. Isis is repulsed by the spread of our materialistic, profane western culture. They want to have their own caliphate to protect their values.

And the west does the same thing. We legitimize our killings. For example, when the US killed hundreds of thousands of civilians in Iraq, we justified it by saying it was to get rid of Saddam Hussein and his supposed weapons of mass destruction. It’s just that we in the west have the media to legitimize any war we undertake.l

Of course, the more power or money you have on your side, you can always bombard people and give your justification the feeling of complete absoluteness. Like they say, the victors write the history. The mouthpieces of the victors are BBC, CNN, and The New York Times. We are brainwashed; we never question it. In fact, we are so brainwashed that we never even see it as justification. We just accept it as gospel.

But beyond justification, is violence ever right? Gandhi said no. Martin Luther King said no. Malcolm X said yes. God says yes if they’re Canaanites occupying the promised land. It’s one of the most difficult questions that us humans face. But, if there’s ever going to be a clear answer, let us at least see it as a question.

Okay, I have to go, I have to run over a Jew-for-Jesus that wants to invite me for Shabbos lunch. But before I do, let me take my own advice. Do I really have a right to hurt another human being? As of this second, I have to answer with a resounding no. But come talk to me the next time you see me in the Shuk.

Shut Up Europe

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Fuck the Goddamn Europeans. Fuck them because now they want to mark every product made in the territories. Fuck them because they support BDS. Fuck them because they send their kid here to Israel, so that they can witness first-hand the evils of the Israeli “occupation.”

But most of all, fuck them because we Jews are here because of their oppression and discrimination, and finally, elimination of the Jews. Why the fuck do you think Jews are in Israel anyway? We were happy in Europe. We were professors, doctors, bankers, intellectuals. We had great cities: Vilna, Warsaw, and Frankfurt. We had beautiful synagogues and great Yeshivas. We could still be there, having a wonderful life. But their rabid anti-semitism made it impossible for us to live there. That’s why we had to come to this place in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but deserts and swamps. That’s why.

I got a great idea for the Europeans: let the Jews come back to Berlin, and to Warsaw. Give us back our homes. Give us back our businesses. Give us back our Yeshivas. We’ll go back and then the Palestinians can take our homes here. Then we won’t be occupiers anymore. Then all the Europeans can finally shut up and find a better cause.

Any Putz Can Do This

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I lost around $600,0000 in the stock market over the last 30 years. That’s about all I think about most of the day; what kind of stupid asshole I am that I could lose so much money during the biggest bull market in human history. When at the same time, the Dow Jones runs from 800 to 18,000. Even if I had put just $100,000 into an index fund, I would be a multi-millionaire by now.

I got the money from malpractice lawsuits against a doctor in the hospital where I was born. Because they didn’t do a Cesarean, there was a lack of oxygen to my brain, which caused the Cerebral Palsy. Isn’t that pathetic? I got 1.2 million and my lawyer got $400,000. Oh yeah, I also pissed away between $200-300,000 on whores, Nova Scotia lox, and shoes.

So now, the $800,000 is gone and I’m working on the $300,000 that my parents left me. $100,000 of it is gone. But the most terrible thing is even after all this, I still think I can make millions. I guess that’s how a gambler thinks. I’m planning on making new millions by betting on the entire global economy to go into the toilet bowl. I invest all my money in gold, money shares, and inverse UTFs that go up when the market goes down. This is the strategy that has lost my money the last 30 years, and there’s no God damn way in hell I’m going to give up on it now.

Anyway, I wanted to confess because this is a big part of me and my thoughts, and I feel like a fraud if people don’t know this about me. I want to continue writing about it. Why do I want to continue writing about it? Because I don’t think many people would. Also, it’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck. I think it’s fun for everyone else to watch it and say to themselves, “There but for the grace of God, go I.” I’m very willing to let you watch. Stay tuned…